I had another blog planned for today. But then this happened:
In my Monday morning blog, “When I’m Ready” I stated that I will write again when my “want list” is complete. I’m not quite there yet and not sure if I ever will be because hopefully I will always want new experiences. But, something amazing happened.
Back up… I came back to NY after spending 2.5 years with my boyfriend, Victor, in Colombia. At the time of my return, there were many things I needed to do for myself and I wanted to create for myself, you saw all of them on the list. However, at the time, I had left one of the most important things off the list, love.
1. I wanted to get myself settled and at peace in NY before inviting love into my life. I wanted time with my friends, time to start my business, time to get a job and time alone as well. I also wanted time with my family and to take care of several issues before love came and distracted me.
2. Also, I did not know how to put love on the want list. Let me explain…
This past Friday, October 18, my friend and I decided to go salsa dancing. Luckily for me, salsa dancing was not happening and we decided to get a glass of wine instead. (Yes, friends. I drank a half a glass of wine!) This turned out to be my greatest gift. We spoke endlessly about all the beautiful things that were happening in our lives. Then she asked, “have you stated out loud that you want Victor to come here?” She knew this was what I wanted but it wasn’t on my list and this surprised her. I replied, No.
I then told her about reason #2: In 2009 I stated out loud and wrote down on paper that I wanted someone to come to NY and be with me. As I said before, this is very powerful and within weeks, he was by my side in NYC. It turned out to be a very difficult experience for both of us because shortly after he arrived I realized I did not really want him to be with me. I originally thought I did, but I did not feel it when the opportunity presented itself. This was very hurtful for both of us, especially him.
I also quickly realized that whatever I want has to be stated without affecting the life course of someone else. If I want something that involves another person, it is very important to think about what it is I want from that person; love, attention, money, etc. and ask for the quality, not the person itself. Why? because maybe that person is not the right person to bring me those things and by asking for that person directly, it is causing a disruption in his/her life. The other person also has to want the result and ask for it, not just be pulled in by someone else’s desires or it will not work. Everyone must ask for and take control of what they want so the experience can be shared not forced.
As a result, my friend helped me to reword my statement from “I want “x” here with me” to “I want love in my life, around me, here with me.” This felt much more comfortable to me because it goes from me not shifting things around without Victor’s will but allowing for love in any shape or form to come to me. And if already this is Victor’s will, then it will be him that ends up here. I hope that makes sense and please ask me if it does not. And so it was.
After 11 months of waiting for a VISA approval to move onto Step 2 of the process, which usually only takes 5 months, a letter came in the mail yesterday that we have been approved for Step 2. It was signed and dated October 18, 2013, the same day that I stated, “I want love in my life, around me, here with me.”