So many times I have heard “I’m not ready to date.” “I’m not ready to quit my job.” “I’m not ready to start something new.” “I’m not ready for kids.” “I’m not ready to say good-bye.” Etc.
“I’m just not ready yet” seems to be the most comforting response to the fear of change. There is always something to do BEFORE putting yourself in a vulnerable situation with an unknown result.
What strikes me as odd is that it is so much easier to accept the known that may not be working for you than to face the fear of the unknown and take what it is you really want.
However, my most recent experience has been a bit different. Instead of putting up barriers to my receiving wonderful things in my life and stating:
“I’d like to do “x” but first I must take care of “y and z”;
I just state what I want:
“I want x.”
Whether you see it or not, there is a huge difference. In statement 1, I am not allowing myself to receive anything. In statement 2 I am allowing myself to receive everything without controlling how it will happen but accepting that it will. And I still take care of y and z in my own way and without any effect to x.
So already I may have lost a lot of you. This might be too “The Secret” for you, which is funny for me just writing that. But I told myself that I will write this blog how I have experienced the world and I cannot pretend that this has not worked for me time and time again.
My past 4 months in NY
When I knew I was coming back to NY I thought how nice it would be to take the first month and settle back in. I hadn’t lived here for about 3.5 years and I wanted to focus on reuniting with my friends, riding my bike, going dancing and to the park, etc. At about the same time I sat and meditated about what I wanted for myself when I arrived. This was the preliminary list:
I want to be a private psychotherapist with high functioning adults (that’s like you and me)
I want to be a private psychotherapist for children and immigrant communities
I want to dance
I want to do synchronized swimming
I want to play the violin
I want to do crafts
I want community
I want to practice yoga and meditation
I want to eat healthy
I want to ride my bike everywhere
I want my private online therapy practice to be successful
That is all I wrote. I did not write how any of this was going to happen. I did not write when I wanted this to happen. I did not give myself deadlines. I really did nothing else but the above. I put trust in the fact that it will come the way it needs to and accept that I need to give up control of how it comes. At the same time, I have put myself out in the world to receive all of this. I did not lie in bed waiting for it to come to me.
It has now been 3.5 months and I am happy to say that everything (but the violin) has come to me, including the synchronized swimming! And the reason why classes for the violin has not been available to me is because every time I see anything remotely related to it, I walk the other way. So I am putting the brakes on it. However, it has been slapping me in the face with opportunity.
So how does it work? I have no idea. All I know is that I wasn’t shy when I asked for what I wanted. I asked for everything I could think of and more.
As you see, a few things were missing from the list intentionally. Now, that all of this came to me, I began a new list. There are many things I want in life. I can have them all. I will have them all. When the list is complete, I will share it.