It would take an entire phone book to count the number of dates that I have been on. Before most people even heard of online dating, I was dating 8 men a week, 2 on Sunday! I mastered the art of the blind date and loved getting my flirt on, if even it was only for 3 hours.
I had an entire persona. I was truthful to who I was while keeping some things “personal”. After all, what is one of the first lessons we learn?
Get him/her to like you before you reveal anything you aren’t so proud of.
At least that is the message I picked up along the way. Don’t tell him if you are dying to get married next year. Don’t tell her about your bad temper when you don’t get to play fantasy football.
Eventually, the relationships begin to unfold and the truth begins to reveal itself whether you want it to or not. Then you have to figure out how to maintain that balance of who you presented yourself as being and who you are.
Personally, I was tired. I was tired from myself, tired from trying to be my perfect self and tired of having to hide my real self. That is, until I met Vic. I never thought I was going to actually date him, so the first few days we hung out, I spilled the beans and told him ALL my beautiful, odorless garbage.
Then, when we got together 2.5 months later, he had already chosen to accept my craziness. This was huge for me because I didn’t have to hide it, question when to reveal it and when it came up he already was prepared.
His favorite line is, “I must have picked you up at an Outlet you’re so flawed!” But, because he knew my stuff before we even began getting serious, he had already chosen to stick with me as I worked through it and vice versa.
Obviously this idea may scare some of you depending on what you choose to keep hidden. But what if you started a relationship or friendship being completely open and accepting of the other person? Wouldn’t that make it easier to learn and grow from one another as well as build trust and communication? Furthermore, in order to have other people accept you, don’t you have to be proud and accept yourself, whatever the past may hold? That’s been my experience… What’s yours?